Super Mario Rappers

If you think about it, today's rap game isn't all that different from Super Mario Bros. Let's analyze this, shall we?

Li'l Wayne? A Chain-Chomp. "Feed me rappers or feed me beats" indeed.

Lil' Mama? Birdo. I mean, both their lip-glosses are POPPIN!

Young Jeezy? Mouser. YEEEEAAAAHH!!!!!

Jadakiss, Styles P, Mike Jones...fuck it, half the rap game? Them Koopa turtle things.

LL Cool J? Dry Bones. Touch it and it crumbles. Ask Jay-Z.

Them piranah plants in those green pipes? The entire Atlanta rap scene sans Luda/TI/Outkast/Old School ATL niggas. Hungry ass niggas that yap alot yet they don't bite.

Most of them "up and coming" New York cats (Papoose, Saigon, etc)? Goombas. I mean, that just sounds New York, don't it?

Dr. Dre? Lakitu. Sitting on top of the clouds, dropping shit on niggas heads.

Princess Peach? Misfit from the White Rapper Show.

Donkey Kong? 50 Cent. Self-explainatory.

And how about Diddy Kong? Tony Yayo. Again, self-explainatory.

Those other G-Unit niggas? Koopalings.

The Boo? Ghostface Killah. I mean, when you turn around, *BAM* there that nigga disappears. But when you don't see or hear about him, he drops an album.

Wu-Tang Clan sans Ghostface? Snifit. Again, self-explainatory.

Eminem? Blooper. Just look at it. Black psycho man trapped in a white drifty thing.

And lastly...the Shy Guy? That's right, folks. R. Kelly. Hiding behind ridiculous masks, this little sexual predator is lurking through a high school near you with Don Juan-inspired red pimp coats. THE PIED PIPER!

KELLZ!

White Folks are Teflon

They are. Let's keep it real. Who else killed almost an entire race (Native Americans), enslaved Africans, built borders to block Mexicans to enter, made the Chinese build the railroads, created (basically) concentration camps (minus the whole burning Jews thing) for the Japanese, conquered and politically corrupted India, the entire continent of Africa, AND is currently racially profiling Arabs WHILE STILL being in power since London's rise from the ashes of 1666?

Not only that.

Blacks vs. Mexicans in California, Chicago, and North Carolina. Asians and Indians hate blacks (unless you're Filipino or MAYBE South Korean or Japanese, and God bless ya!). Arab Muslims hate Arab Jews. Native Americans forced to live off unsustainable land and build casinos from Connecticut to Commerce City, California.

And not only that.

Asians and Indians LOVE white people! I've heard from an Asian friend that they are called "bananas" in the same way old-time black folks used to be called "oreoes" or "coconuts." That is insane! They destroyed India, hate China, and BLEW UP Japan...TWICE...yet Asians are in LOVE with the white folks! INDIANS ARE BLEACHING THEIR SKIN!!! Why aren't they proud to be what colo(u)r they are? Why not be proud of being dark? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH FOLKS THESE DAYS!!!

Now, ColDay loves, loves, LOVES the white folks ("We're all one race, one people, blah blah" but this is a controversial blog so get the Rainbow Coalition shit out of the way and I have white folks in my family and all of them I love to death; it's the niggas that are the trouble these days) but it's just historically amazing that the two most disenfranchised groups of this country (African-Americans and Latinos) are battling EACH OTHER for turf for which white government owns AND that East Asians and Indians have economically and culturally forgiven Europeans for their blunders and want to assimilate!

Thus, white folks are Teflon. And let me join you, please! LOL!

Whatever happened to Ms. Jade?

She had some BOMB ass beats and the bitch could flow. I mean, she had Timbaland PRE-TimberlakeFurtado. Probably the Jaguar Wright of Philly Rap (I mean, Eve is doing movies and Charli Baltimore? She looks like a match [think about it]).

She had some nice songs like:

- Count It Off feat. Jay-Z
- Feel the Girl

- Ching Ching feat. Timbaland & Furtado-Pre-Timberlake
- Big Head

The last thing I heard about her was some stupid diss towards Scott Storch...excuse me...Storchivelli. Poor Chevon Young.

Literally. She had talent, though.

Biscuit vs. Burger

Who do you think wins the competition of corporate, delicious logos.

The Montgomery Biscuit, who is a recipe of fun?

Or...

Mayor McCheese, who is one fry short of a Happy Meal?

Oh, fuck it. Grimace wins.

My Angry African Roommate: Beyonce Diss

From the Angry African:

"White America is what pays everyone's bills, bills, bills. When you think of Destiny's Child, you think of LaTavia. When I think of Destiny's Child, I think of LeToya. But WHITE AMERICA is all that matters and they think of Beyonce as Destiny's Child. It doesn't matter what we think, we're black."

Album Review: Lupe Fiasco - The Cool

Let me get to the point. Overall, it is a "classic" album though sadly it won't sell. Like the rest of these classic albums (Nas' Streets Disciple; Hip Hop is Dead; Lupe's first; Hi-Tek's; Ghostface's; blah blah), these niggas aren't going to sell thanks to disposable ringtone raps. I mean, it matches the American way, right? Disposable housing, cars, environment, spending, etc. So why not? Anyway, the review.

1. "Baba Says Cool for Thought" - Girl doesn't make any damn sense. "They thought it was cool to leave you thirsty and stranded, KATRINA?" "GENTRIFICATION!" "VIRGINIA TECH COLUMBINE!" I'm like, chick, "he thought it was cool to put a student from Nikki Giovanni's school of hard-knock sistahs on this track, SOULJABOYTELLEM.COM!"

2. "Free Chilly" - The real intro. Very good one at that.

3. "Go Go Gadget Flow" - Hot. Radio-friendly though it's not going to be played anywhere but Chicago. It reminds me of "Is That Yo Bitch" (that Memphis Bleek/Jay-Z/Missy/Twista song).

4. "The Coolest" - Probably one of the best tracks on the album. Great intro on the piano though he almost got Lil Wayne-ish on his pronunciations. Overall, great song.

5. "Superstar" - Nice little radio song. Matthew Santos (wasn't that the guy from The West Wing?) sounds like a bootleg Bono (U2) but hey, do the damn thing! VIVA LA RAZA!

6. "Paris, Tokyo" - Why does this song remind me of a Soul 2 Soul joint?

7. "Hi-Definition" - Yeah, it's hot. Snoop did the thing too but Pooh Bear singing? Stick with Danity Kane.

8. "Gold Watch" - That loop is annoying. Didn't like this one at all.

9. "Hip-Hop Saved My Life" - Ain't bad, Lupe, ain't bad! Sing it, Nikki!

10. "Intruder Alert" - It ain't bad when I say this but "typical Lupe track." Alicia-touched, Matthew sang.

11. "Streets on Fire" - Almost Kanye meets Will.i.am...with a touch of Gym Class Heroes?

12. "Little Weapon" - Uh oh, he bringin' New York back! Err...Chicago! With that intro...then it turns into some trippy Little Drummer Boy.

13. "Gotta Eat" - Who else could talk about being a cheeseburger? I mean, besides Ludacris or Redman. Damn, I want some Rally's/Checker's!

14. "Dumb It Down" - Says it all. Atleast SOMEBODY said it (besides that one Jay-Z line).

15. "Hello/Goodbye (Uncool)" - Man, Incubus? Where's N.E.R.D. when you need them? Atleast VITA!

16. "The Die" - I like this shit. That's all you need to know. It's like some Do Or Die shit.

17. "Put You on Game" - Marshall Mathers-like.

18. "Fighters" - Coldplay, anyone?

19. "Go Baby" - I'm reminded of "Sweet Escape" by Gwen/Akon. "Woo ooo...weeeeeooooooo!!!"

Overall, one of the finest albums of ANY genre in 2007.

Alan Keyes...oy vey

He's a hoot, ain't he?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0o89_46L3E

Mad Props: Charlamagne Tha God

I read this on SOHH Atlanta's blog and I just thought I'd post it here since I'm getting tired of these fake-ass rappers and their "gun-totting" ways. Lil Wayne recently said in Ozone Magazine:

"If you are talking about rap and beef, I'm the wrong person to talk to. I am from New Orleans. Cut your televisions on. You know where I'm from. I'm from the murder capital, ma. Beef is a different thing there. I have four teardrops on my face and I have to look my mom in her eye every day. I can't lie to her. Fuck what they think and fuck what the world thinks, we real. My mom is real. The first day I got a teardrop I lied. I called her and asked her can I get a teardrop tattoo, but I had already got it." She said, "When you get it, come by me so I can see how you look with it, cause I was thinking about getting one my fuckin' self." "We don't play. No, I'm not gonna rap about you man, I will murder you, your family, your child, a newborn, I don't give a fuck. I could never go to hell cause I'ma take over, bitch."

Charlamagne Tha God's response said it best so I'll let you read what he's gotta say:

This ladies and ghetto men is one of the most socially irresponsible things I have ever heard spoken by a public figure in my life. To keep it one hundred, this fake blood, want-a-be gangster, scream murder but I don't believe you, pill popping piece of pig shit has lost his muthafucking mind. Please tell him to back away from that triple stack of Styrofoam cups he walks around with. This young man that is contributing to the degradation of our culture has had to much Hawaiian Punch and Promethezyne.

First of all to say, "I have four teardrops on my face" and "I come from the murder capital", is implying that you have indeed killed someone in your life. In case you people didn't know, a teardrop tattoo is a symbol of having committed at least one murder; well in North America it is. In Australia a teardrop tattoo has an entirely different meaning. It is forcibly marked on convicts who are accused child molesters! Now if I listen to Gillie the Kid, I guess that is why Baby, CEO of Cash Money, has his teardrop tattoos. It was said by Gillie that Baby used to touch on Wayne when he was a child. Like father, like son? They say the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree, but let's just stick to what Wayne was implying.

He was implying that he has killed someone and so has his mother. Imagine that I work for the FEDS and I'm reading this. I'm like okay; I think this is an admission of guilt. Then I keep reading and see this idiot has relinquished all doubt because he says, "I will murder you"! Not just you, but "your family, your child, a newborn." Could somebody get this Fisher Price, my first red bandanna wearing kid a publicist, or has he already said too much? I think the City of New Orleans should charge Wayne with some of the city's unsolved murder cases. He is glorifying murder and admitting, even though I don't believe him, that he has killed someone. "I will murder you" should be taken seriously in a court of law!

Have you ever seen "Minority Report" starring Tom Cruise, where a special police department called "pre-crime" apprehended criminals based on foreknowledge? Well we have the foreknowledge and the confession before the crime! Lil Wayne said he will "murder your family, your child, and a newborn"! Someone save this guy from his self! Usually when someone snitches on you to the FEDS and says that you did something or were involved in some way, the FEDS come and arrest you on what they call a conspiracy charge. Lil Wayne dry snitched on himself. No I take that back, he didn't dry snitch he flat out snitched on himself and his mother. I think they need to be picked up and charged with conspiracy to commit murder. I just want him to be charged so I can hear him tell the truth and say, "I never killed anyone, I'm just a rapper! I need to sound tough to sell records! I got these teardrop tattoos because it looked cute on Baby!"

This dude ladies and gentlemen is a fraud, a phony, a fake, and those comments he made to Ozone Magazine are detrimental to society. Do you know how many kids this guy psychologically influences? Watch how many people you start to see walking around with Styrofoam cups; watch how many kids start drinking his Hawaiian Punch and promethezyne concoction; watch how many kids will get that thought branded into their brains that they "will murder you, your family, a child, and a newborn"!

Has anybody read the new study that shows most teenagers will indulge in risk taking behaviors because of poor brain development? Even if they know right from wrong, good from bad, positive from negative, God from the Devil, they will still ignore it because that is what they have been programmed to learn. The study by Temple University Professor of Psychology, Laurence Steinberg, PhD, concludes from newly emerging research on adolescent brain development, that "Teenagers seek out risk-taking behaviors because the brain systems involved in decision making mature at different times. The section of the brain most involved in emotion and social interaction becomes very active during puberty, while the section most critical for regulating behavior is still maturing into early adulthood."

"This explains" Steinberg says, "why teens are so susceptible to peer pressure and why education and prevention efforts designed to keep teens from engaging in risk-taking behaviors don't work all that well. We have tried to prevent these behaviors by educating kids about the dangers of things like smoking, drinking, taking drugs, and unprotected sex," he tells WebMD. "The thinking has been, if they know about the dangers they won't do these things, but that is clearly not true."

Damn right it's not true because if I'm a teenager whose brain is not fully developed and I'm listening and following a jackass like Lil Wayne, that means I'm going to want to join a gang (and kids you will get jumped in, you're not going to pay your way in like Lil Wayne). Wayne, if you wanted to be an honorary member of an organization and pay dues you should of pledged A.K.A. I'm sure those fine women would have accepted you as one of their own. It would have made more sense because pussy knows pussy.

I call him pussy because only a pussy, during an interview with a national publication, would say he would kill a child or a newborn baby! Let me refocus, if I'm a teenager whose brain is not fully developed and I'm following a jackass like Lil Wayne, I'm going to want to join a gang. I'm going to drink my syrup all day and I'm going to look for someone to kill for no reason, possibly a newborn baby because Wayne said he would and he's the best rapper alive (allegedly)!

The problem with this is the judge does not want to hear that a 17-year-old's brain is not fully developed. By the time this not fully developed brain under the influence of drugs goes out and really kills someone and is arrested, then sentenced to life in prison, it's too late. Case in point,the four young men, who broke into Washington Redskins player, Sean Taylor's home looking to steal. When Sean popped out, they shot him and now he is dead. Now those kids are going to jail forever!

What influenced those kids to do that? I'm not going to blame that on Lil Wayne, but comments like those made by Wayne don't help. If my brain is not fully developed and this drugged out, fake gang banger, possible baby killer is the closest thing I have to an influence then what the fuck? Lil Wayne said, "Fuck what the world thinks, we real." I hate that word because the definition of what real is in hip hop is not real at all. Real is not pulling into the parking lot of Walgreen's in ATL, in the middle of a Saturday afternoon and allegedly trying to purchase machine guns. Real is not being 38 years old and now pledging your allegiance to the Bloods and flagging at award shows. Real is not being on DVDs pointing guns at the camera and licking shots in the air. Why incriminate yourself like that? Lastly, real is most certainly not interviewing with a national publication and saying that you will kill children and newborn babies.

As a matter of fact, going into 2008, I don't want any rappers to say that they are keeping it real. The dictionary defines real as being or occurring in fact or actuality; having verified existence; not an illusion. You rappers like Lil Wayne are about as real as the tooth fairy, Santa Claus, and the Easter Bunny. Poverty and unemployment are real. 40 million people with little to no healthcare in America is real. The war in Iraq is real. The HIV/AIDS epidemic is real. Pedophilia is real. Incarceration is real. Our people, continuously dying at the hands of one another, for no reason is real.

With all these problems going on in the world, the only thing Lil Wayne can think to have come out of his mouth is, "I will kill you, your family, your child, a newborn baby"? Charlamagne Tha Gods says fuck Lil Wayne. I say fuck him because I say fuck the devil every day. When you proclaim that you "can't go to hell because you will take over," what you are really saying is you are worse than Satan. You are saying you are worse than God's mortal enemy. Fuck Wayne and any rapper or person that thinks like him. Praise to be ALLAH!! Death to all Devils!

P.S. When I hear statements like those made by Lil Wayne, I realize people's value of life is at an all time low. I would hope the tragic and untimely passing of the legendary Pimp C, (who I am sure was an influence to Wayne) touched him in a way that makes him value and appreciate his life. Not just his, but his daughters lives and newborn babies everywhere. R.I.P. Pimp C


Preach, nigga!

Worst Sports Logo of All-Time?

Hmmm...

I'm thinking "Biscuit Lips?" What's next? The Mobile Tar Babies?

December 7th, 1941: Pearl Harbor & WWII

I know I'm a little late for this shit but I just want to remind everyone respect the contribution of our black sailors and military in World War I and World War II. Saluting such African-Americans as Howard P. Perry, the first African-American to enlist in the U.S. Marines. Breaking a 167-year-old barrier, the U.S. Marine Corps started enlisting African-Americans on June 1, 1942. The first class of 1,200 volunteers began their training three months later as members of the 51st Composite Defense Battalion at Camp Lejeune, North Carolina. All praises due to William Baldwin, the first African-American Navy recruit for General Service and Reginald Brandon, the first African-American graduate of the Radio Training School of the Maritime Commission. Let's not leave the sistah's out with Phyllis Mae Dailey, the Navy's first African-American nurse. And let us not forget Brig. Gen. Benjamin O. Davis, Sr., the first African-American general in the U.S. Army. And to my grandfather (a WWII vet) and countless other grandfathers and grandmothers out there who are African-American and Latino and had to come home to a country they fought for, a country they had to fight against to gain basic rights, ColDay salutes you as much as I possibly can for the greater good of humanity.

Lastly, all praises due to Dorie Miller, who was awarded the Navy Cross for his actions on the day of Pearl Harbor. And for all the soldiers in Iraq and the rest of these places we shouldn't even be in the first place, keep ya' head up!

Wisconsin...Ackbar...Hmmm...

Amazing.

Plies: Uh?

Am I missing something? How is Plies popular? I can't understand a word this nigga is saying, even if he potentially is talking about something and he seems like a Floridian, hood Nelly. Take this AllHipHop interview Plies did. Some of my favorite quotes:

"I’m not as complex as other artists but I try to be as direct as I can in getting across whatever point I’m trying to deliver on that particular record."

- So...complex bad. Keepin' it street good. So fuck that lyrical shit, just say "nigga, I shot you!"

"I’m in a lane all by myself right now, and that is to have as big a female following as a male following. Most cats either have one or the other. I have the luxury and the blessing of having both, and that’s what makes my situation so unique right now."

- So can Chingy and them Duffle Bag Boy niggas. That ain't unique.

Oh, and this hum-dinger!

"I tell people all the time, if you take the financial gain out of this sh*t, people wouldn’t give a f*ck about what a young, allegedly ignorant Black male was over here talkin’ about. Like if you really cared about Hip-Hop and the culture, and how artists address women, what are you doing to rectify the situation besides placing blame on Hip-Hop? So for me to be in a situation where masses of people perceive me to be a successful artist, I still feel like you can’t strip me of something that’s been granted to me."

And the question asked by AllHipHop?

"AllHipHop.com: There has been some uprooted controversy around the use of the word ni**a. You use the words ni**a and cracker in your songs relentlessly. Talk to me about your view on the use of each of those words."

So, Mr. Plies, uh...the answer?

"My freedom of speech has been granted. If I read a magazine or a website and someone is bashing me or giving their opinion about me, I’ve never been thin-skinned about that, because you’re entitled to your opinion. You’ve been granted that. I just have a problem when people want to give their opinion but don’t want to hear yours. And as far as I’m concerned, I’m not violating any laws by voicing my opinion or using any terms that I feel fit to be used."

Really. Damn.

"I personally feel like to use words such as ni**a or cracker, in the environment and culture I was raised in, is common. So I don’t feel like I’m doing anything outside of the ordinary. Others might feel that way too."

And if I'm accustomed to peeing on a little girl in my household, it's alright if I do it on tour right?

But this one is the winner, folks! Courtesy of Vibe magazine.

Vibe: “Plies is an interesting name for a rapper, how did you get that nickname?”

Plies: “Plies is a tool, You can use it to put the squeeze on things, like I’m doing to these niggas in the rap game. I got the squeeze on them real tight, they feeling the pressure, or you can use it to pull things out. I pull out all the bullshit and keep the real you feel me? It also a word you can use in terms of things goin’ on in yo life, ya dig. You may hear something I say and say that it plies to me.”

Vibe: “I’ve heard of a tool called a Pliers and the term applies.”

Plies: “You know what I’m trying to say my nigga, just buy my album, I’m from the South my nigga, we don’t learn no grammer. My Album out August 7, 2007, cop three copies each, it’s Christmas in July fo’ real, ya dig?”


Stay in school, kids. Or not and make millions.

Two Songs of the Moment

Jaheim's "Never" and Raheem DeVaughn's "Woman" are two instant classics, ya'll. I mean, when you got "Shawty is a Teeeyyn" and "Soulja Girl" banging out of these little promiscuous teenage cars and iPods, we got to do better and the call was answered. Granted, both of these niggas look like niggas (I know, but you know how to read that) but that's refreshing since both of these niggas can sing. When you got fellow hater Steve Harvey praising both of these niggas on his radio show, you know these songs are good! Support these brothas and support quality black music. Fuck it, good quality music.

The Aging of Mary J. Blige

I just want to say that Mary is getting better with age. Though her depressing ass songs are being missed (My Life? Damn, a classic), I'm glad she's happy now AND she's still looking good. White folks like her, black folks haven't turned their back on her, and she's still popular in the hip hop crowds ("Got a record with Mary J. Blige, my nigga" - Jigga/Game). Even Oprah the Obama likes her. You go, Mary! Though I heard that new song "Just Fine" and I'm like...uh...where's "Family Affair?" That was cheery but still a classic. This "Just Fine" shit is just weak and you deserve better, Mary. But then again, it did come from THE DREAM.

Just stay positive and happy, Mary. You're the Mariah of '07.

The Dream

What kind of "dream" is ya'll living in? This no-sangin' ass nigga is popular with a terrible ass radio song? "Shawty is the Shit?" Are niggas being lazy? He married to Nivea, that hoodrat from Mystikal's second hit single? I sware to God I thought he was Jazzy Phe's son when I first saw him. Now, these niggas is telling me he wrote "Unbrella." Damn, how hard was it to write "Umbrella-ella-ella-eh-eh-eh" or whatever. Jay-Z had the only lyrical shit on that shit and Rihanna is just "truely blessed" to be on the track. I like Rihanna. I like Jay-Z. But this "Dream" nigga, wasn't that Diddy's first Danity Kane group? The one with Kane, the original VH1 reject White Rapper? Don't think I forgot about them bitches.

And now this nigga has a hot-produced album. This shows you that singing and lyrics are secondary to hot ass beats and production. These days, niggas care about "oh, this is a Kanye track!" "Oh, that shits Just Blaze!" "Nigga, you know that nigga Hi-Tek did that shit for Talib, nigga." Damn, how about the singer? The lyrics? I can't hate on my negroes for making money (aka The Dream, keep doin' what you're doin') but we need to self-evaluate this new music shit when now you got "legends" like Lil Wayne now. A chain-chomp. And Young Jeezy? Mouser.

Next musician/lyricist please. Please Keri Hilson blow up...please plese please.

Fucking Tim Tebow

Alright, the HNIC of this Blogging Industry is back! Now let's get this shit poppin' like T.I.'s rap sheet.

Tim Tebow, cut the Jesus shit nigga. I'm not saying he wasn't deserving of the Heisman but the very fact that he's playing up this "holier than thou" mantra is just disgusting for Christians and non-Christians alike. His brother called him "more of a legend than a person." Nigga please. This nigga is only a sophomore and didn't take them to a BCS bowl. Georgia. LSU. No Florida. Ya'll playing Michigan. You'll win but you didn't go to a BCS bowl so who gives a fuck? Keep the missionary work off-the-field and out of college football, please.

Can you imagine a Muslim or even an atheist preaching their beliefs to white media? It'd have been hilarious if Chris Leak(ed) that he was a Buddhist. Oh, the media firestorm (especially in the Baptist-driven South).

Not denying his numbers ya'll, just don't put that God shit into this. Thanks.

This picture is real missionary-like. He's helping a drunk fuck get home after uh...yeah.

I'm just lazy, ya'll...

The blog isn't dead. I'm just being lazy. I'll get on this shit and start blogging soon again. Just a lot of shit is going on right now so don't worry!