John Legend: Overrated People

Hell, I'm being generous by calling this bitch nigga "overrated." I don't even know what rating scale they should even put him on. If I wanted to hear a bootleg Raphael Saadiq, I'd pop in some Lucy Pearl, ya dig? First off, I know many black people love some John Legends. And you know what? I don't give a fuck, as I never do. I'm sure John is a very nice person (though something about him seems cocky and arrogant, and not in a humorous-lite way like Kanye West) and I wish him success as he seems to be bringing PianoBack/LoveSounds. And I do appreciate and respect any black person using their talent on musical instruments so no disrespect from me about John Legend from that front. But ya gotta bring the vocals to be a singer, not just a piano player. So here we go:

A). This nigga can't sing. Plain and simple. Now, I heard from some of my friends "oh, he has a unique sound." Are you niggas deaf? T-Pain has a "unique sound." Sean Kingston has a "unique sound." Bilal has a "unique sound." None of them niggas can sing though! That's the motherfuckin' point! Fuck that uniqueness if ya'll can't sing. He makes so many runs in his vocals, he might as well book a flight to Beijing in 2008. This nigga isn't Donny Hathaway. He's barely MusiqSoulchildStarfish or whatever. I ain't hating, it's the truth. Don't believe me? Ask Peabo Bryson what he thinks about Johnny Boy. Ya'll need to listen to Stevie Wonder back in the day. Listen to Donny back in the day. Now you may say, "Well damn, those are legends! You can't compare him to legends like that. That ain't fair!" Niggas, his last (stage) name is LEGEND. John STEPHENS felt bold enough to put that shit in his last name, well he better damn near deliver that shit. You don't go to Church's Chicken and expect sauerkraut, do you?

B). This nigga is from Springfield. Now Dayton, represent, but I'll be damned if we claim Springfield. I mean, shit, I'll claim Tom Raper-Richmond, Indiana over Springfield. Springfield needs to Get Lifted and moved to the Mariana Trench. I do not like that city and any nigga from Dayton will tell you that. It's dusty (get the reference?), dirty, and full of Grouches. Bootleg Middletown/Elyria/Canton.

C). Now, I did like that song "Used to Love U" and I was on his team when he first began his career. "Ohio!" and all of that. Well, after I heard this nigga on 106 & Park, various magazines, and after THIS in an issue of Rolling Stone:

I can sing with just about anybody, but he's [Jeff Buckley] one of the few singers who truly intimidates me.

Uh. Right. The only person you can sing with is Sanjaya and that's before the coke-abuse. Don't get too cocky these days, nigga, because that shit will be checked by the HNIC of this Blogging Industry real quick.

D). "Ordinary People?" Overrated. I mean, really niggas, give a a nigga a piano, interesting (rehashed) lyrics, and a music video in black/white and now this nigga is the new male Alicia Keys? Now I may have hated on Ms. Keys' latest song but that's because she gets love from me and I respect her craft too much. "We're all just ordinary people" is some bullshit. White folks loved that joint. Black folks loved it for like three weeks and went on to cop that new Kanye. We know bullshit when we hear it and we know that song was for them, not us. We aren't just ordinary people because we are black people, the biggest critics on this planet. We have The Apollo for Christ sakes. A tree of hope! Well, he better start rubbin' that dead deciduous oak if he wants my respect.

E). That Bart Simpson-esque hair. I mean, I respect natural, black hair but sometimes we need to Isoplus-and-comb that shit just for presentation. That forehead the size of Pebble Beach cannot be helped but the hair certainly can. It's like looking into a Neo-Soul Lucifer sometimes.

Lastly, as parting words, I see hope in Mr. Stephens. Though he went to Springfield North (tsk tsk), he graduated as salutatorian at age sixteen (mad props) and attended the University of Pennsylvania (Ivy League, nigga!). So I see intelligence, the promise of new hope, and perhaps a career in the Cincinnati Pops Orchestra. But as RL from Next once said in a hood-famous You Tube video about other R&B niggas, "Ya'll niggas betta stick to dancin!"

Sometimes, singing isn't for everyone. Look at John Tesh! This is the career case.